Breathless: Five Sentence Fiction

five sentence fiction

Indian Bloggers

five sentence fiction

“Take a deep breath, hold it for a while, release it slowly and let me examine you to find the cause of your spasmodic griping pain”— the doctor told to her.

“Let my husband go out of your chamber, then only I could do this breathing exercise”— she replied to the doctor with an irritated gesture.

The doctor smiled and asked her about her food habits, after sending her husband out of the room.

“My husband and in-laws have made my life such a hell of busy that I have no time to even take a breath and you are telling me to hold it and release it”— she was even more arrogant this time replying to the doctor.

The doctor called her husband and handed him over a prescription with mere food supplements advised there, along with a clear instruction— “let her have a breath”.

FSF                                                         FSF                                                    FSF

  • This story is inspired by a real incident recently happened at my brother’s nursing home where a woman was admitted, complaining severe stomachache. She herself later accepted that she was pretending pain to abstain herself from housework, as she was being forced by her in-laws to work whole day long.

Sangeeta Mishra

  • This is sad on part of family having a callous attitude towards womenfolk.

    • Truly said Bushra. Women empowerment wouldn’t be possible till families treat them with empathy.

  • Very sad indeed. If this true I appreciate the doctor for understanding the human side of the problem.

    • Sad is the word Indrani, but women are still suffering it despite our being empowered and educated. Wish everyone understands them like the Doctor did.

  • it is sad more painful to heart that it’s inspired from real life incident, people still treat their daughter in law as unpaid servants

    • Truly said. There are many a families where daughters-in-law are being treated as commodities. There place in the family is that of the second grade citizens, or as you said–unpaid servants.

  • Anjali Sengar

    It’s strange but in one documentary on Discovery channel they said Indian women do such things to draw attention of family members 😉

    • But did some one ever research, why they do so ? Is it ever investigated that why Indian women fake illness for seeking attention ? The answer is simple — they are attention deprived. No matter how progressive we are, but women are still subjected to negligence and exploitation. 🙁

  • Excellent post! You have conveyed an important social matter through the medium of a short story like our Itihasas and Puranas. Very well done!

    • Thank you so much Mr. Mukhopadhyay. Glad that you liked the story as well as the message.

  • Sad that someone is subjected to something like this…
    very well expressed Sangeetaji 🙂 <3

    • This is the harsh reality of life Archana. Some people are still that heartless, who force someone in such situations. Thanks. 🙂 <3

  • Ha ha, that is a clever post Sangeeta, it tells a lot more than the 5 sentences do, I like the undertones and the deft conveying of a message.. Nicely done..

    • You picked up the right cords Vinay. There is lot serious hidden beneath those five funny lines. Glad that you find that clever thing. Thank you. 🙂

  • sweta

    agreed !! most women are overworked . So, it does not seem surprising that one needs to fake an illness to get that day off

    • Yes Sweta. Most of the women are over-exhausted today, whether at homes or at their workplaces. And faking illness is kind of her raising voice, though it’s feeble. 🙁

  • Chaitali Bhattacharjee

    Oh it was good that you shared that Sid Eid the coin which many people refuse to see.

    • Truly said Chaitali. The other side of the coin is not as funny as the story seems. It is fierce and pinching. 🙁

  • Rakesh Pandey

    It’s so true! Especially in a conservative Indian household! It does seem funny, but on a second glance, it is not.

    • Yes Rakesh ji, It seems funny but actually it’s a serious issue taken lightly. That’s why I have chosen a light manner to tell the truth.

  • Hmmm. true . A lot of women go through these, especially our maids. Time we organize that sector so that they are not overburdened.

    • Yes Ami. We definitely need to organize the thing, but I’ve seen such incidents happening with women, even from good families too. Some people still treat their daughters-in-law like machines or robots. It sucks. 🙁

  • bushra

    The workload should be shared by couples. :/ This is sad. Wonderfully written Ma’am.

    • Thanks Bushra for you liked the story-line. Workload should be shared by all and everywhere. 🙂

  • Jyothi D’mello

    Such a sad plight and it is true for so many women in our society. The prescription is perfect!

    • Yes Jyothi, the prescription is perfect as it screams Justice. All sad thing happen just because women are still not being treated as equals, even at their houses.

  • It’s a sad thing how females can be overburdened with too much household work. At times majority of this work is unnecessary, or someone else work especially in a joint family.

    • You said it right Mr. Kr. The incoherent minded people are still degrading women and snatching their rights of being equals, which is the root cause of such sad incidents. Thanks for your views.

  • Jyotirmoy Sarkar

    very touchy and pathetic story and also the incident u hv mentioned. presented beautifully as usual.

    • Thank you Jyotirmoy for you liked the presentation. Yes, the incident is indeed very sad, as such things are still prevalent in our society. 🙁

  • Omg it’s so sad that women still have to face such situations. When will it be a world of tandem between equal support husband and wife. It’s more prevalent in Asia than West

    • Yes Shweta, no matter how progressive we are, a majority of women are still being treated like second grade citizens at homes. And I’ve seen such things happening at workplaces too where women workers have to do a way more work than men.

  • I feel really sad for the lady whose experience you’ve mentioned! So the fact is nothing will change unless a voice is raised! No matter who it is, a woman, man, child or an elderly some one, if they ever feel suffocated because of their own people, they have to somehow resist, uncover this fact to the world, and raise their voice to bring a change!

    • Truly said Jyotika. Real change is needed, no matter with whom such things happen. Some times we all become such selfish that we often forget about others. You won’t believe that even I, sometimes, neglect the hectic life of my maid and refuse her granting leave during festivals. Though I regret, but can’t help it, as I have thousand reasons to prove me right. Harsh but true. 🙁
      Thanks for your words. Change will happen when youngsters like you, raise your voice with a conviction. 🙂

      • Welcome Sangeeta ji. 🙂 I believe it is highly necessary to improvise our behavioural skills, that’s it. When we start reflecting Empathy towards each other, instead of Sympathy, all kinds of conflicts get sorted out!

        • That’s the real change Jyotika. If we talk about such issues and maintain an honesty with our words, change will surely occur. Thanks for dropping back. 🙂

  • That’s not good at all in terms of health. Rest must be equal among both the genders, if restlessness to be the first, then it ruins one’s mind too. Thank you for the FSF Sangeeta ji :))

    • Thanks Prasanna for your understanding the hidden gist of this FSF. You have rightly picked up the marrow of the story which is concealed beneath the fierce humor. Every human, be it a man or a woman, needs his or her share of rest, but the story-line is, they are not treated like equals in our society. Hope, the change happens in true terns.