Talking about one’s achievements is quite an easy task, but accessing one’s failures is equally daunting. Today, when the whole world is talking about its achievements on the onset of New Year, I have decided to share my fears, my losses, my mistakes and further, my regrets, my remorse and those great lessons life has taught me.
Looking back to my gains in the year 2015, I feel as if I’m left bare handed with lots sacrificed and achieved nothing in return. But still, I would proudly say that 2015 has given me the greatest gift of my life before it bid adieu, and that was my conscience, the self realization, I acquired after making mistakes, followed by deep feelings of agony, anguish, regrets, self-disgust and ultimately lessons learnt after that sense of culpability.
Like every other year, my New Year 2015 too started with celebrations, aspirations, expectations and all the novelty I could add to and expect back from my surroundings. And there started the conflict of guilt! Here I’d share my teenage story of (guilt). When I was 14, I experienced my first ever saga of delinquency done by me on my friend. It happened when I refused helping her in the class crafts project as I wanted mine to be the best.
She wanted me to help her but I, despite offering help initially, refused at the last moment and chose the hell of guilt for a lifetime. It was the day when I lost that good friend of mine as I couldn’t correct that mistake in time by apologizing to her. Later, we were sent to different cities for our studies and I was left living with self-accusation and shame so never thought to face her.
Years after that unpleasant incident, I met her in 2015 and the ice melted. I confessed in front of her, shared my regret and remorse with her and learned a lifetime lesson to correct my mistakes without any delay. This incident has taught me a lot and I said sorry to so many people to whom I have hurt knowingly or unknowingly throughout 2015.
But my #TalesOf2015 wouldn’t be complete until I share the lessons I learnt, taught to me by destiny. It’s my story of mistakes, of being too emotional and trusting people without even knowing them properly. I even trusted on some who were ‘the proven wrong’ and just promised me a change in them which later on proved wrong.
I felt like disgusted and cheated enough when I was misled, misguided and drained out of the emotional connect. This too, was the important lesson 2015 has taught to me— not to trust someone just because you are emotionally inclined towards them. An extremely emotional and sensitive person like me learnt how to restrain her feelings and control her emotions for not to be fooled by others.
End is always saddening but it always leaves behind an enriching experience and hope for a new beginning. The year 2015 has already come to an end but I am not left empty handed, I’m not sad as loads of wisdom is what I have obtained. So, I would like to express my saga of failures and new beginnings in the form of my poem written on the eve of New Year…
Some questions are tough to be asked than answered
Some dreams are meant to be shattered
Some prayers are offered, listened
But remain unanswered.
Clouds— deadly and dark, do suffocate sometimes,
But it never rains,
The sun rises, yet refuses to shine
So, the fog sustains.
Life goes on and on…
But some moments need a pause,
No matter how beautiful life seems
Happiness comes with a condition or a clause.
Some tears remain stuck in eyes
And restrained to be shed
Ice of melancholy freezes smile
And the warmth of love is ceased to spread.
Some affinities are to be cherished forever.
Still are abandoned for trivial reasons.
Some souls— selfless, altruistic
Are sometimes being snaffled of their visions!
Life goes on and on…
And I go wiser seeing people changing with seasons.
So, my #TalesOf2015— are the lessons learnt out of my mistakes, wisdom obtained out of culpability, and maturity achieved out of regrets.