…and I sang a song after years, co’z #Life told me to embrace music…again…
And I sang again. I did what I was born for, named for and lived for. Sangeeta was made of music, for music and by music. But the name lost its meaning the day I abandoned it.
So, I tried hard to bury music under the grim realities of life and treated my first love as anathema for years. But life hit the nail on the head and I learnt never to look back. The Maven ordered, “Nil-Desperandum”! And I listened. As one can never be bereft of life, so does music.
Someone has rightly said, “Even if you leave music, it never leaves you. It’s like the soaked cloth of a drowning person who wants to get rid of it to avoid sinking, but can’t. It goes with your life. You are bound either to live with it or to die with it, but you cannot abolish it”.
Then one fine day, I regretted. I realized, I was denying to the boon which not everyone is lucky to be blessed with. Unlike those bleak years of quashing my essence, I embraced the psychedelic world of music again in 2017. This tryst wasn’t as effortless as it used to be years back. It was no less than returning back to your forgotten homeland deserted with time. But, that resurrection turned out to be the Renascence of my being, the revival of my soul.
Sangeeta was born again.
July 2017 was the time I decided to start singing again, though year 2018 was too tough on me and I hardly got peace and solace for riyaz. Yet I discovered a happy intonation in my forlorn songs. I got my love, back!
It was like unfurling my caged spirit. The reason I picked a song which is grave as well as boisterous. ‘Baiyan na dharo’, a semi classical song from the movie ‘Dastak’ sung by Lata Mangeshkar! It’s an extremely mellifluous composition by late Madan Mohan in Raag Charukeshi, (?) as Google says. But, I am still confused of its subtle variations and nuances from the ‘Shudh Raag’. Hope someone could help me in identifying the raag or its variations used in this song. It’s indeed one of the most beautiful songs sung by Lataji. In spite of its playful nature, it eddies like a soothing hymn in ears. It portrays ‘Shringar Ras’ at its best, like the poetry of Jayasi’s Kanhawat or Surdas’s Sursagar, evoking divine love of Radha-Krishna.
I walked down the memory lane and actually visited the place where my roots are instilled. Visited my HOME, the treasure-trove of my childhood, after 3 years this November and the first thing I did is to open the doors of the long-locked living room where we used to delve in the bounty of the Almighty. Call it a music room, a studio or anything else, ’twas the space we used to express ourselves and got beaten in return. Surprised? Yes! The lady of the house, my mom, considered art and music the most useless things on this planet as they won’t earn you a livelihood. For boys, music was vagrancy while for girls, it was redundancy. So, whatever we did was crime for her. But she couldn’t do much to stop us as she was an obedient wife and our father was a great aficionado of art, music and literature.
Tin gods and quote makers attest time with such glossy names, the healer, the teacher and what not. But time is the most ferocious enemy of mankind. It only steals. It makes you bereft of everything beautiful. Beauty lose its charm with time and age. We change, so we did. Everything about that music room changed. It had gone through a complete makeover. Like we, the sisters left singing, the brothers too, chucked their instruments.
Our unfortunate Harmonium breathed its last about 10 years ago eaten by the mighty mice. Its reeds were sold to a ragman. My brother’s poor Violin was also given away. The only lucky chap Tabla got a proper rejuvenation and found its new owner in my nephew. A few skeletons survived from the past glorious days, which still grace the décor, are some paintings by my siblings and some trophies we had won. In the video, you can see Goddess Saraswati’s painting done by my brother behind me (also as the featured image of this post) along with my ‘Peacock Trophy’ which was given to the best orator of the university, me.
Gone are those glorious days when I had virtuosi as my mentors and a family inclined towards art, music and literature. The days when we needed a whole lot people for ‘riyaz’ (music practice). It used to be a rendezvous with at least two people who visited our place thrice a week to teach us. My Guruji, Pandit Aditya Narayan Jha, along with tabla master who used to do ‘sangat‘ (playing along tabla) was the reason I could learn and sing. I don’t know whether they are alive or not, but I still pinch my ears whenever I fail to catch hold of notes and lose ‘Pakad‘.
My teachers would have straight way blamed me for doing treachery for music if they had listened to me today. Thank God and thanks a million to those Apps which, unlike them, come to our rescue even if we sing blasphemy (read ‘Besura, the Blasphemer). These apps not only come with all your favorite song tracks, but also give you a satiating feeling of singing with live orchestra. Perks of technology! 🙂
This is how time, the cruelest adversary snatches our lives. But, as aforementioned, life is so resilient, so stubborn. It coils back….So, I sang in spite of losing my ‘pakad’ on sur, sinking feeble voice and expeditious time. …and no need to say, no one can ever abduct me from the ethereal lap of music.
O’ Life, you were right! Thou art Music incarnated! How can one find a refuge else than you?
Here goes the second version of the song…”Baiyan na dharo….”
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So, you have these talents…voice is nice and good to see the trophies.
Its true that i also miss those days of riyaz at least two days in a week in the evening during my school life with some experienced singers and Tabla players.
Hopefully one day will play tabla and you will be the singer.
It is great to recapture the interest in music. You have a beautiful voice.